June 03, 2008, I made this video for my father, very simple one written in traditional Mongolian scripts. My first video to the world, did not remember why I have made this, but I do notice there was more than 10,000 hit, so I decided to write in English to share with people who might have same feelings. Losing someone you love is not easy I know. But we still need to cherish the life we have and ones we need to love more. I become stronger but at the same time more emotional, hard for me to watch movies related with father, death etc...
Actually I do not believe if there is heaven or not, but I would believe another world is out there for them who have gone. I do hope it is not a harsh world!
He will not understand this part, but someone might want to know what I have written.
Dear father,
I have not written you for a month, been very upset since I came back from home. Many mornings I woke up and told myself to do what I need to do and move on, but ended up doing nothing, because nothing really matters! I want to go back to my last night dream to be with you in dreams at least. I do not know how many time I have dreamed of you!
Dad, you have been always proud of me, and I am also proud to have a great dad! But I have never thought you would leave me alone and gone forever… Even I know it is life, but can not my father be immortal?
Every holiday for a dinner gathering, I used to sing “Aav min=my father” to the whole family and guests. “…Can I give you more happiness when you are older…” to my father (lyrics is difficult to translate), I still recall the moment his eyes in tears… I told myself to take my parents to travel around Europe and the world one day when I am stronger. I promised myself to take care of them when they are old and need me. But today I realized I can not make this wish true. Please forgive me. I hoped you would have given me one more year or month even! (I will invite my mother next summer to my house in Europe and show her the outside world…)
Today is third of June, I am writing this letter after a morning walk. I encouraged myself to follow my adventurous road to make you proud as always! I will shine among others as you always wished.
Take care my dad!
Your beloved daughter
Turku, Finland
2008-6-3
No comments:
Post a Comment